Up late..

Up late, cuz I have to stay up two hours past my normal bed time. No caffeine since 9 am. This blows.

This is what my head feels like ;lnfskvklsdng;aierhgf.am,gnvdgfh. With lots of drums pounding. I have to get up 2 hours earlier than I'd like to drive Stinkyman to work, because some jackhole hit his car and took off, so it's at the car doctor getting fixed. Oh, the reasoning I have to do all this is because I have to go get an EEG done, cuz I'm having seizures for some unknown reason, so tomorrow I get to look like this.

Yaaaaaaay. This outta be fun. This means Princess Wiggles gets to go to a sitter. Wiggles is going through mondo separation anxiety mode. Any advice on dealing with this? Basically what I've been doing is the Kiss, have a good time, bye bye mode and she still cries for a good portion of the time I'm gone. Granted, she's 19 months old so there's some to do with her age. Still though, it's hard on Mama (or Baba, as she calls me) to know that she's THAT upset the whole time I'm gone. / =

Anyhow, things here are meh. I'm adapting to my new meds. I got a big ole pill thing so I remember to take them. I have a horrible habit of just not remembering to take my meds, even if I set an alarm on a watch or something. I guess I could set an alarm on my phone, but that's a last ditch effort as I'm not always home when it'd be time to take them. I'm seeing a therapist now and that's going well. Involved in a great church group, working out, and doing all the things that I need to be doing, but things are still freaking MEHHHHHHHHH.

Take the other night, for example. I wanted to cut. God, did I want to cut. I wanted to cut so freaking bad it hurt. I ended up taking a full dose of ativan, washing it down with a big ole glass of wine, and laying on the couch so I'd stay safe because I know that logically cutting is NOT the answer. I'm getting a new tattoo on Thursday so I'll be getting my dose of pain then, that will help significantly, but man oh man did I need some guidance the other night. I did the right thing and told Stinky that I needed him to not let me leave his sight. He even went so far as to not let me pee in peace so that I'd stay safe. Looking back I appreciate that, because I've made phenomenal strides in my recovery, and I don't want to slip. I can't. I have a precious little girl that needs me to stay safe and healthy and sane.

Isn't that why I went on the meds in the first place anyhow?